Hey, ya’ll I’m Sharmini. And I’m literally the girl your Singaporean mom is telling you to STAY AWAY FROM.
But whatever, I went to Raffles (because apparently, that’s still a big deal). I’ve been nomadic for almost a decade, and along the way, I’ve built a bunch of successful businesses.
So without much ado, here are 6 things I’ve learned about SEXY TIMES since my 20s.
1. No More ‘Birds and Bees’ Mysteries
Remember Civics and Moral Education? LOL! Well, let’s just say, in the real world, we all know there’s a lot more ‘Netflix and Chill’ than our teachers would care to hear about.
Sex-ed in the 90s left much to be desired. This meant that there was lots of taboo and shame associated with discussions around sex when I was in my teens. Both from family and friendship groups (an experience that isn’t uncommon in traditional cultures).
The fact that this continues to be the case in 2023 deeply frustrates me. It frustrates me to the point that I decided I had to do something about it. So recently, I teamed up with Jenna Switzer, sex coach on a SUPER COMPREHENSIVE sexual health and wellness ebook to help you break all that rubbish shame-based core beliefs and live your best goddamned life. Get the FREE ebook.
In this article, I’ll give you a sneak peek into the topics and themes that we cover in this 50+ page of juicy goodness.
2. Sexuality is not binary. Humans are not 0s and 1s.
In Australia, I dated my first bisexual man. I got so hung up on the fact that he had previously slept with men.
While a bigger problem in Asia I think we can all agree that globally, we have a pretty conservative and narrow framework for what men are “allowed” to be.
I simply couldn’t reconcile his sexual spectrum, even though it wasn’t presently happening.
Total not in my own backyard syndrome. Pun intended.
At that moment I had a gaggle of fabulous gay bffs, and considered myself a part of the woke literarti.
Yet the breadth of his sexual spectrum made me deeply uncomfortable. It was this experience that helped me identify certain core beliefs that were not serving me through open communication.
Strangely, it seems that society is far more accepting of bisexuality when expressed by women. Men have a tough gig, not much wiggle room in their societally prescribed identities.
I feel for you, my dudes.
3. Communication is key
Singaporeans are known for their reserved communication style. And this is an effect of conservative upbringings and cultures of “we don’t talk about that”.
So I decided… let’s talk about it ?
https://www.tiktok.com/@thesharminishow/video/7264675343192050987
Like what you see? Follow me on Instagram and TikTok to hear it first.
One thing I’ve learned is that open communication is the lynchpin of a healthy life, both in and outside the bedroom.
Open communication is a skill to be honed, not a talent one is born with. As you incorporate empathy into your daily practice, your vocabulary will evolve. This will give you access to deeper conversations.
The General Information versus Depth Matrix
Having spent more than a decade bouncing around the world, I have met ALOT of people. From all that data, I came up with a matrix that I use when I meet people. Plotting where they sit within this matrix helps me meet them where they are and form deeper bonds.
One fun observation – a common feature amongst individuals with depth correlates with a willingness to embrace different opinions and accept people for who they are.
Again, depth is something that can be cultivated. It comes from exposure to new experiences and a willingness to accept that the world isn’t always as you see it.
4. Hello, foreplay!
Back home, sex was more like an express train ride to destination O. Maybe it was just the few local boys I dated. Or perhaps it was the fact that it was shrouded in this veil of “can’t talk about it”-ness.
While our local men are givers, they weren’t exactly explorers. And this meant a really limited view of what was available and out there.
Travelling the world and discovering different traditional practices led me to several practices at the intersection of sex and spirituality.
Here are my top two, there’s a bunch more – but that’s for a different blog.
What is Shibari?
Hold onto your kimonos ?
Shibari – the Japanese art of rope bondage is hot! My first encounter with Shibari was in a performance space. A tiny crowded bar in Barcelona surrounded by the most gender-fluid crowd I have experienced in my life!
Shibari transforms rope into a power play of pleasure; a dance between dominance and submission.
But hold up, let’s debunk a myth right here: it’s not what most people assume it to be. The one in control? They exist in service to the submissive. There is such beauty in surrender.
What is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient practice that goes beyond the physical realm and delves into the spiritual and emotional aspects of our being.
It not only involves using sexual energy as a gateway to a higher state of consciousness, it also allows us to connect with ourselves and the world around us on a deeper level. Tantra, although generally most associated with sex, is actually quite a broad philosophy that encompasses all aspects of life.
Practicing Tantra involves learning to be fully present in the moment. The benefits of this practice, are obviously numerous and far-reaching.
The world is literally your oyster.
See, I, like many of you dear readers, grew up in a household where sex was a taboo subject. So when I was initially thrown into environments where these conversations and boundary setting was the status quo, I lacked the language and emotional intelligence to deal with them. Thank goodness I’m a quick study. ?
For the uninitiated, it shouldn’t always be wham bam, thank ya ma’am (though there definitely is a time and place). Explore what you like, and try different things. You may surprise yourself.
Worst-case scenario you can always exit left.
Find out your sexual style!
Do you know your sexual style? We are all wired differently. So take the time to understand your sexual blueprint. It’ll make the journey more enjoyable. This fun online quiz is a great place to start that discovery.
5. Sex is deeply spiritual. We’re talking about our creative force here.
This is such a sad secret of our ancient culture that has been lost. The creative power that is connected to sexuality has been explored in the Kamasutra.
Sexuality and spirituality are often viewed as separate entities, but they are actually deeply interconnected. Your sexuality is a part of your physical body, but it is also an expression of your energetic being.
When you engage in sexual activity, you are capable of tapping into a powerful source of energy that can be used to deepen your spiritual practice. Now, in all honesty, it’s likely that not all of your sexual experiences have felt spiritual or like a deep connection to the divine.
The truth is, the majority of people will go their entire lives without experiencing the true capacity of sex as a spiritual experience. Maya Angelo once said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Your work is to explore how fulfilling the connection of sex can be, both to your partner and to your source.
6. Sex Toys aren’t just toys
Remember those uncomfortable giggles when someone mentions dildos? Well, folks, the world of sensual accessories is a tantalizing treasure trove of lace, leather, and everything in between.
But I’m not here to talk about our garden variety dildos and vibrators. Not when there are much more interesting and exciting products out there.
What is a Yoni Egg?
These tools are said to benefit the body both physically and energetically.
Although there is a lot of mythology surrounding this little egg, what is known to be true is that many women for centuries have experienced a deeper connection to pleasure through practicing with a yoni egg.
Check out these nephrite jade or rose quartz yoni eggs. Truly beautiful.
Crystal Dildo? Yes, Goddess!
So you’ve seen glass dildos, silicone dildos – all varieties. But… have you seen a crystal dildo? Yes girl, a great addition to your growing crystal collection. Am I right?
We dive into much more fringe products like this in our ebook. 50+ pages packed with information and interactive exercises from experts around the world. The best part? It’s free forever.
Generation sexual liberation —> Unlock your pleasure vault!
What does sexual wellness look like in 2023? ??
30 FLIRTY & FAB: 50+ JUICY PAGES PACKING A PUNCH!
? A safe space for self-exploration: Finally! A safe and judgment-free zone where you can explore your desires, boundaries, and fantasies with confidence.
? Personal stories: Real women, real stories! Dive into heartfelt anecdotes of women who look and sound like you.
? Interactive exercises for transformation: Engage in eye-opening exercises that will transform your mindset. Have you heard? The brain is the sexiest organ in the body!
? Expert advice from leading sexuality coaches: Insider tips from the best in the industry.
Get the FREE ebook.
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