Not Sex but Companionship—Japan's New Marriage Trend, 'Friendship Marriage'

A new marriage trend is becoming increasingly popular in Japan, which is called ‘Friendship Marriage’. In the Japanese language, it is called ‘yujo kekkon‘. Instead of love or sexual relationships, this marriage is based on mutual friendship, coexistence, and stability in life.

Many call it a pragmatic adaptation to modern Japanese society, where marriage is no longer about love but rather a joint agreement of mutual respect and responsibility.

Currently, such marriages account for about 1% of all marriages in Japan. This trend is now the center of discussion due to increasing life pressures, a declining birth rate, and young people’s ‘romantic fatigue.’

Why Is This Trend Growing?

Many young people say that heterosexual dating and romantic relationships are now tiring and time-consuming for them. Many want intimacy and companionship, but without sexual relations.

On the other hand, many LGBTQ or asexual people do not want to take the risk of revealing their identity to society. For them, this type of ‘friendship marriage’ is a kind of refuge.

At the same time, since same-sex marriage is not yet legally recognized in Japan, many are adopting this type of ‘heterosexual family structure’ so that both children and social status are maintained.

Satsuki and Minato: A family of friendship, not love

A couple from the Chugoku region, Satsuki and Minato, are a real example of this new type of marriage in Japan. Three years ago, they decided to live their lives based on mutual understanding and friendship, not love.

In 2019, they met on an online forum, where like-minded people look for marriage partners based on friendship. After a few months of conversation, they realized that their values, philosophy of life, and future plans are the same.

But both are open about their sexual identities. Satsuki, Minato’s wife, is attracted to women. Though Minato is romantically attracted to women but sexually attracted to men. But due to pressure from Japanese society and family, they chose the path of ‘friendship marriage.’

However, they started living together and officially registered their marriage in November 2021. Their relationship lacks romance or physical intimacy, but the bond of family responsibility and mutual respect is very strong.

Two years later, Satsuki gave birth to a child through the ‘syringe method,’ or medically assisted conception. They affectionately call the child ‘Adorable.’

Interestingly, neither of them sees each other as a “romantic partners”. Satsuki compares Minato to “a close but distant relative”, and in Minato’s words, “We are each other’s comrades in arms—connected by the same life mission.”

Their families do not know the nature of this relationship, but Satsuki and Minato believe that this is how they have been able to arrange their family in their own way—based not on love, but on understanding and friendship.

Family, Children, and Reality

In ‘Friendship Marriage,’ some people live separately, while others live together. Tokyo-based organization Colorus says that 80% of the couples who have been helped by their friendship-based marriages live together, and many are raising children.

Modern reproductive technologies, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) or the syringe method, are also being used to conceive children.

The story of Satsuki and Minato is emblematic of this trend. Neither of them is sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but they got married on the basis of friendship under pressure from family and society and got children too.

Social Reality and Researchers’ Opinion

In the decade since Colorus was founded in Tokyo, 316 such friendship-based marriages have taken place. Researchers say this is partly a reflection of individual freedom and alternative family structures but also a result of Japan’s social pressures and the birth rate crisis.

According to Hiroyuki Kubota, a sociologist at Nihon University, “Although various values are spreading in Japan, society still believes that marriage and children between a man and a woman are ‘normal.’ So many people actually see this type of marriage as a ‘compromise.’”

A survey found that more than 60 percent of couples in Japan are accustomed to ‘sexless marriages.’ So the idea of ‘not love, but companionship’ is now the new equation of life for many young people.

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